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22nd April 2005

7:18pm: tiny thins to express my heart
It's over. He's gone.

Why do we have to part while the love is still there? Why do we have to suffer? Why do we have to cry when somebody bids goodbye? Why do beginnings have an end? Why do we have to meet only to lose in the end?
There are questions left unanswered, words left unsaid, letters left unread, poems left undone, songs left unsung, love left unexpressed, promises left unfulfilled.
In a relationship, one of the hardest things to do is saying goodbye and letting go. It is as hard as breaking a crystal because you'll never know when you will be able to pick up the pieces again. More often than not, they who go, feel not the pain of parting:it is they who stay behind that suffer, because they are left with memories of a love that was meant to be, a love that was.
At the beginning and at the end of a relationship, we are embarrassed to find ourselves alone. Unfair as it may seem, but that's the way love goes. That's the drama, the bittersweet and the risk of falling in love. After all, nothing is constant but change. Everything will eventually come to its end without us knowing when, without us knowing how, without us even knowing why. And we must forget not because we have to but because we have to.
In letting go, sorrows come not as a single spy but in battalion. It seems that everywhere you go, everything you do, every song you hear, every turn of your head,every move of your body, every beat of your heart, every blink of your eye and every breath you take always reminds you of him. It's like a stab of a knife, a torture in the night. Funny how the whole world becomes depopulated when only one person is missing. Just imagine, there are billion people on earth and yet it seems you feel lonely and empty without the other.
I don't know if it's worth calling an art, but letting go entails special skills sparkled with a considerable space and time. Time heals all wounds but it takes a little push on our part. Acceptance plays a part. Not all love stories end with "...and they live happily ever after."
Sometimes we have to part because of circumstances beyond our control. We have to suffer if it would mean happiness for others. We have to cry to temporarily let go of the pains. Every beginning has its end like every dawn has its dusk. It's something we can't control, something we had to live up.
It's over. He's gone. But life has to go on. Goodbye doesn't always mean forever. There will always be a place and time where questions will be answered, words will be spoken, letters will be read, poems will be recited in the night, songs will be sung in harmony, love will be expressed in solitude and promises will be fulfilled. Somewhere. Somehow. Someday
Current Mood: sad

27th March 2005

2:49pm: last night
Lets say last night had its high ups and its low downs. Just to start this entree off my week has been really bad (not getting into it but it was very upsetting , stressful, and just plain out awful). Last night i went to mikes house (mike-my great, wonderful, gorgious, loving, perfect almost in everyway (and that fact that hes not perfect perfect is simply wonderful (seriously)stresses me out boyfriend) and right when i think things were starting to go-up mikes little brother said something that i really i guess wasnt suppose to hear but hey..but since its me i did. After that i felt very uncomforable and I wanted to leave. Its funny how around that moment my sister called and begged me to go to a wresteling match with her. Since i was so desprite to leave i accepted. Heres my wonderful downfall i bascially ditched mike. Which was really btchy to do and trust me he wouldnt let me let it down the whole night. Anyways she picked me up and as we were driving i was sure that i was going to die (by the way we almost got into 2 or 3 car accidents..great right?..geeze...)so i called up mike which is what started him not lettign it down. He called me and a million other people kept calling me the whole night (whatever). So we get there and theres no seats. This guy(who later on becomes our savior) asks us if we wanted seats. Of course we accepted. The show went on great. Many hot hot guys(girls...one reason to like wresteling..GUYS THAT ARE EXTREMALLY HOT WITH NO SHIRTS ON..AND SOME WITH ONLY A SPEEDO LOOKING THING ON..DEAR GOD..I WAS BLESSED)after the show that(who is our savior) guy chased after my sister and invited us to their after get together thing which was pretty cool. Except for that mike wanted me home and well i guess i listened pretty well... not really my sister was mainly in charge of me that night. To sum it up since i am getting tired of writing katie got a guys number and we were invited back to see them and to go out with them. I guess it was cool only this time i think i'll being mike instead of leaveing him.
I would also like to state that my sister is totally the oppiste of me in everyway and thank god. I guess if it wasnt for her i would be a stressed out, never experianceing anything other than my average life, type of girl. Everything amazing happens to her so i guess being around her just makes my life a little more interesting. Thank god for sisters! i really love her. I guess though with every wild child(katie) comes her care taker, her look out, over stressed, trying to be perfect, mommys girl, little sister, who thinks that we have to stay with in the lines (Me!).I mean i get crazy and do out-ragious stuff sometimes but not as much as i used to and should at my age. So many thanks to my irresponcible big sister for getting me in soo much trouble and yet showing me one of the greatest nights that i probably might forget but not for a long time.
Happy easter everyone...
Current Mood: chipper

12th March 2005

8:51pm: almost
Every single time I see you I start to feel this way
It makes me wonder if I'm ever gonna feel this way again
There's a picture that's hanging at the back of my head
I see it over and over

I want to hold you and love you in my arms and then
I want to need you 'cause I need to be with you 'til the end
Then I hear myself reply you've got to hold it in
This time tonight


If only I had the guts to feel this way
And if only you'd look at me and want to stay
And if only I'd take you in my arms and say
I won't go 'cause I need you
'Cause I need you

I sit here waiting wondering hoping that I'll make this right
'Cause all I think about is your hands
Your face and all these lonely nights
There's a feeling screaming in the back of my head
Saying over and over

I want to hold you love you in my arms and then
I want to need you 'cause I need to be with you 'til the end
Then I hear myself reply he'll never let you in
This time tonight

If only I had the guts to feel this way
And if only you'd look at me and want to stay
And if only I'd take you in my arms and say
I won't go 'cause I need you
Please don't go 'cause I need you now

I want to hear you say
It'll always be this way
We'll be hand in hand for every night and every day
I want to scream and shout
'Cause I'm losing any doubt
And all I care about is you and me and us and now

If only I had the guts to feel this way
And if only you'd look at me and want to stay
And if only I'd take you in my arms and say
I won't go 'cause I need you
Please don't go 'cause I need you now

1st March 2005

7:23am: i'm not the kinda girl you wanna leave
snowday and yeah i am alittle bored so i'll update..umm..lets see my va-ka was amazing..it was really nothing out of the normal..but somehow it managed to be amazing. things with me and mike are jsut keep getting better. we had our first fight over a live strong braclet. you want to donate fine dont do it because its a fucken fashion! do it because you actually care. i mean really give a fuck! so yeah i yelled at him that he was going against what i believe and well he riped it in two..so i am happy now! + my little thing with rahile is over so another plus there+ i am so happy ma-mip-mip is coming home today and its a snowday (^.^). BAd thing i still dream about him* i still cant find out why and i really dont want to. i am just sick of it. i am jsut going to let it go and hope its disappears on its own. >>i still carry no regretes<< Everything is almost how its suppose to be..and that fact that its not is just beautiful(^.^)
I hate you noel. your reason i am starting to like ashley simpson.
in my english class we started talking about relationships and how at this age we shouldnt be taking things so seriously. but i have to disagree. i lvoe falling in deep i love haveing one guy to love, hold, and kiss. The best thing in the world is when i know he means it when he says he loves me and wants to be wiht me! and after hearing all everyone had to say on it my mind hasnt changed and it wont. there is no reason to question our realtionship!
well..i guess ia m going to go its 7 23 and movies/popcorn are calling me
Current Mood: calm
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